Fun Until Feelings: The Unintended Shift From Unattached to Attached

When single and wanting to maintain that status because of desires to have fun; usually consisting of casual or consistent sex and talking to several people at once to boost up ones own morale, while perhaps also gaining sexual and even financial favors are typically the objection for such single ones when meeting someone new. After meeting a new person who the individual may either find physically attractive or otherwise- but because they show interest may therefore be entertained, most likely will be stored as a new phone contact and thus the beginning of regular or even random communication. Mindful of the fun he/she wishes to gain out of the potential “relationship,” motives whether direct or indirect are displayed. In many cases however, what originally was meant to be a distant and selfish relationship based off of fun and games, turns into strong feelings of fondness, joy, and entitlement. “Catch no feelings” is a phrase frequently echoed by the experienced and careful, which almost serves as a code of conduct when dealing with the opposite sex because it warns against the subconscious development of unintended feelings. Obviously, when single and having fun, the point is not to have a care in the world (while still being safe) and to satisfy personal interests. Any other outcomes like feeling the absence of and wanting to know whereabouts are emotions that having fun avoids, and in the words of Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.” Clearly, such emotions were never the intention, but when it turns into that, that single person must decide whether or not they can handle that their feelings toward the person they have been casually involved with has changed. Unfortunately, having fun tends to be a selfish course but when two people are on the same page, the merrier. Also, the truth is, having fun does not only include sexual and financial pleasure but going places and doing things recreationally enjoyable. For those not careful; regular exchange and private time spent can lead to “catching” feelings which changes the initial approach from carefree to concerned. At the beginning when motives are directly or indirectly displayed, which can include being sexually pushy or subliminal about financial and sexual wants, at some point there becomes a different mindset where having fun takes a backseat and one becomes way more involved emotionally, physically and even financially than intended. For example, a guy friend of mine who never meant for things to have gotten serious with a young lady who because of physical appearance would have never considered anything outside of a sexual relationship grew attached. At first, he like many single guys had a deceptive approach used to convince the young lady into believing he was sincere with mature intentions. His games and way with words were well received and returned with kind and caring gestures, and soon enough, sex. As imagined, for her, sex created a sense of possession over him and she therefore began treating the “relationship” as something worth working on: investing time and energy. Subconsciously, she became someone he could trust and got comfortable around. When he knew of other men trying to talk to her he got jealous and frustrated whenever time spent together was interrupted. However, no doubt were there moments when he was disappointed with where things escalated to but felt it was foul to end it and not to mention, he simply became emotionally attached. For some, developing feelings are an inevitable result, especially if things are not kept in check. Too much time spent talking, sleeping over, and doing things together only leads to developing feelings. And while some will accept the change or even struggle with it, others find being attached a headache they cannot handle thus finding a way out. By Peter O. Oye