Rediscover sex after stressful situations

Sometimes when couple’s life has been rocked by major events like stressful festive periods, child birth, illness, job loss, relocation and so on, it’s likely that the last thing they want to do is stoke the flames of passion because trauma can temporarily and sometimes permanently crush the chemical signals that affect arousal and desire. However, it’s important to note that these negative effects are just temporary and there are ways put the heat back into their love life. Festive and celebration times come with lots of joy, reunion and partying. Yes, it is a time to merry and it comes once in a while; yet if care is not taken, this period can leave you so exhausted that all you want to do after each day is go straight to sleep. And before you know it, you are ignoring and taking for granted one of the most important persons close to you, your spouse. After the merriment of the day, remember to keep the spark in your relationship alive by sending quick, flirtatious text messages to your partner during the day-time. It is very important to spend time together, at least 20 minutes daily before sleeping off. Using this transition time together will leave you relaxed enough to make time for lovemaking later on in the deep night or early morning. Childbirth is another joyful time that comes with unimaginable stress, especially for the wife. A woman suddenly goes from being a lover to a mother, her vagina is now a birth canal and her breasts are for feeding a child. Some wives even have stitches from caesarian sections or episiotomy while the blood stream is being flooded with a hormone called oxytocin, causing many to focus on bonding with their babies than wanting to make love. Many couples have sleepless nights changing diapers all night, and on top of these physical changes come emotional ones. But despite these shifts, couple can still pave their way to a complete return of sexual functioning by being physically affectionate as soon as the baby arrives which usually happens slowly, over the course of three to six months. For most women, being embraced and touched is the most important form of foreplay. So, rediscover sex by reaching out for hugs, kiss, holding hands even when the two of you are holding the baby. Once you’re both comfortable with leaving the baby, create time for physical intimacy in your hectic schedule by having a friend or family babysit so you both can enjoy some time together. Even if you don’t have sex, make sure your night ends with a few minutes of cuddling in each other’s arms. Sooner than you expect, sex is rediscovered in a strong, powerful way. When either of the spouse is diagnosed with life-altering disease, ideally one is not expected to think or ask for sex until the sick is well or on the road to recovery. Instead of this to be a temporary thing, many couples rule out intimacy in their relationship altogether. It may be true that you may not be physically able to have sex, but you can set the stage for future intimacy by getting into a deep level communication, so that your emotional connection stays strong. Ensure that you manage the situation so that your relationship is not to blame for your current lack of sexual spark. And as soon as your health permits, get sexually intimate immediately. The more sexual pleasure you experience, the more your organs get activated and the more your total wellness improves. Thought it may take time to reignite your libido especially if your illness was linked to your reproductive organs, this is where both spouse should be friendlier so as to gain each other’s confidence and understanding. Most times many husbands with erectile dysfunction related problems such as diabetes, hypertension, enlarged prostate gland and obesity find it difficult to bring their wives into the picture. Instead of finding solution together at this stage, many couples drift apart for lack of good communication. Just as drugs to treat serious illness can dampen desire, so too can medications for diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure and other common conditions. For example, some birth control pills lower women’s libido than other oral contraceptive formulas. But when couples share virtually every life issues together, things work out well in spite of the prevailing challenges. Testosterone reaches its lowest level at menopause, which happens on average at age 51. The Thyroid hormone levels nose-dive, leaving most women with less energy for lovemaking and blood flow to the genitals lessens, inhibiting lubrication.” But menopause doesn’t mean the end of scorching sex. Sex could be rediscovered when you give your body the extra time it now needs to get aroused or find a sexual lubricant that works for you. When one partner discovers an act of infidelity, the offended person will likely be too hurt and angry to even want to have sex. . But I have discovered that couples that stay together and work things out may have a better relationship than when they newly got married. Trust could be re-established and the relationship can be rebuilt into a healthier one and eventually, having sex can help the two of you regain emotional intimacy. Death of a loved one can kill sex life of some spouse and if care is not taken, this could permanently destroy the union. Therefore, as you mourn your loss, it’s essential that you communicate your grief so your partner is aware of it and will be patient with you when it comes to resuming sex. Tell him or her how you feel so he or she can get a sense that you are suffering, and not just rejecting his or her sexual signals. Then make time together to share what makes you feel alive and happy even as you are honouring your departed one. A study has shown that physical intimacy can help relieve depression and emotional pain. QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS Teeth grinding during sex Help, I am afraid. Until my husband grinds his teeth while we are making love, he will never climax. I started noticing this after he got a new job, although he has been working so hard these days but why must he grind his teeth each time he is about to reach orgasm? Is it spiritual or is it a sign of some inner illness? Please, reply urgently. Mrs. Braai Japonica Calm down, there is no need for fear. All things being equal, stress may make him clench and grind his teeth at any time during the day or at night, and often subconsciously. You may not have noticed this at some other time; I am sure if you pay close attention to him you will notice he does it at some other times. If he already has the habit of clenching and grinding of teeth before now, stress could make the habit worse. The only disadvantage of grinding teeth is having problems with his temporomandibular joint (TMJ), located in front of the ear where the skull and lower jaw meet. Normally, dentists recommend a night guard, for such people to help stop or minimise the actions. But the best cure is for you to help him alleviate things that further stress him since he has a hectic job already. Is masturbation the way out? I ear Funmi, masturbation seems to be the only way out of sexual temptation for a young man like me that is not ready for commitment. It seems everywhere I turn to, I am told it is not healthy. Have you not found any healthy benefit of masturbation? The females out there are very hot, they make us go crazy always, help. Imogen Omoruyi If there’s one thing that almost every young adult and some grown up is an expert at, it’s masturbation. Despite the fact that it pays to stay off this pattern, yet the habit is not healthy for any man. Unfortunately, I am yet to find out any healthy benefit of masturbation and as soon as I do, I will get it across. However, study after study shows that lawful intercourse between the married has all benefits. Masturbation doesn’t have the health benefits that sex does. Even the type of orgasms you get from masturbation is not the same you experience with sex. The body seems to respond differently; even the makeup of semen is different if you masturbate instead of having sex. Masturbation is not risk-free, even though it looks like it’s low-risk and appears as if it’s the safest form of sex possible for the unmarried. But like other low-risk activities, it still has some subtle risks. Frequent or rough masturbation can cause minor skin irritation and forcefully bending an erect penis can rupture the chambers filled with blood. Besides, there’s no “normal” amount of masturbation. Whether you masturbate too much or not, it is not normal. The most damaging ill-health about male masturbation is that it affects your relationship now or in the future. It may impede your sexuality, causing you to deal fruitlessly with premature ejaculation, weak erection, quick ejaculation, low sperm count and infertility. What is deep vein thrombosis; how is it cured? Deep vein thrombosis is the formation of a blood clot in a deep vein predominantly in the legs. Signs may include pain, swelling, redness and warmness. It is better you seea medical doctor for treatment. But whenever you’re at your desk, try to regularly move your feet and calf muscles. While you’re seated, put your feet flat on the floor. Raise your toes in the air while keeping your heels on the ground. Hold for 3 seconds. Then reverse. If you’re going on a trip, wear light, loose-fitting, comfortable clothing. Don’t wear anything that could restrict your circulation. Drink lots of water, too. When you’re on a long flight, stay away from alcohol and sleeping pills. You need to stay awake enough to get up and walk around every hour or two. It’s important to boost your circulation and keep your muscles moving. When you’re sitting, change your position often. Don’t cross your legs, since that can reduce blood flow.